LookAtYourself

I was trying to follow this perfect blog but instead i saw this

(Source: stayingstrong4me)

Tumblr the wonderful thing it is. I have missed this a great deal, having virtually no time for myself as busy with college work and then a lack of internet. I’m very glad t be back(:

Today has been an extremely tough, I wasn’t expecting it this bad to be honest I thought if no one knew then it could be just like any other day. But of course that was not the case was it? I’ve been in a foul mood all day and having people ask me what’s wrong has made it tonnes worse, with being up for about 30hours hasn’t much helped either but sleep deprivation is something I’m rather used to now. Yet I haven’t been in this much of a bad mood in a while but I guess it a culmination of a variety of things mainly being the anniversary of my Dads death, oh how I’ll never get used to that it’s not supposed to be like this. I’m not supposed to grieving for m father at 17 let alone 15 when he died two years ago from a multitude of cancers. The big C word how I hate to hear it even now, I avoid it at all opportunities but how can I live like this for the rest of my life? There will be more people there always are I’ve already had two more members of my family pass away since my Dad from the dreaded word. I don’t know how much longer I can sit back and watch it tear more and more people apart from the inside. And yes I’m not stupid I know I can’t just come up with a cure for everything but I feel so helpless to it all. Which is why I have decided to join the army, now that seems like a complete opposite step but it makes me feel like I might actually be of use instead of feeling in the way all the time like I don’t belong and that people don’t want me there. So I won’t be there, I will be serving my country in the way more people should, I will sacrifice myself for the people I care about and if this is the way I can do that then so be it. I’m ridiculously excited that I think I’ve finally found a purpose rather than just going down all the normal channels and ending up in a job a don’t like and I’m not happy. I’ve never been conventional and have never wanted to be, that’s just not me so as I think towards the future and what I hope I will be able to accomplish I have that hint of hope again that I can be happy. So I will do all that I can to get in, to serve my country in the best way I can, there is so much skepticism of this country so many people hate it, why can’t we be proud to be British anymore? Well I’m proud and I’m hopefully gonna show the people around me that there’s more to life than money, it’s about helping in the way you know how or you think is best for you. So yeahh of course you can’t everyone but just making a small difference is better than none! 

Love You Dad, you might not always be in the forefront of our thought but you’ll never be lost from our hearts. I just hope I can make you proud, and think I will when I finally do what’s right.